Evolution

Relationships.

 That one word can bring us warm good feelings or send us running and screaming in the opposite direction.  Unless you’re a hermit up in the hills, you can’t escape it, relationships are all around us. From the moment we’re born we’re in one; the parent-child relationship, which then flows like a river into several others, the sibling relationship, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.  These are the biological relationships that are decided for you, good or bad these are the first steps of careful navigation.

Friends, acquaintances, co-workers these are the ones we get to choose, in the early days, our parents may choose our friends/playmates. As we grow older we have more say so in whom we let enter into our lives.  For some, it’s the “family” we thankfully get to choose.

Now this being said, all these relationships can add or detract from what we hold of value in our lives.  Each relationship is unique although you can certainly see similarities from one to another. A friend can remind you of a cousin, grandparents can be strict version of your own parents or the total opposite, by spoiling you rotten when you’re a kid.

No matter which one it is, they all go through its ups and downs. It goes through changes, some that are barely noticeable, some that are so dramatic you wonder how your life isn’t nominated for an Oscar or Emmy each year.

Just like the seasons, our relationships go through much needed phases. It is up to us to decide if will survive through each season; will it survive the “harsh winter”, the bad times, and blossom again in the “spring”?  If we don’t adjust to these changes, allow each of the parties involved to grow, express themselves, it will wither like a flower with no sunlight.  How many people do you know that are stuck in a rut, be it a parent & child, always at odds, never willing to hear the other out for fear of losing control? How many siblings hold on to the rivalries and disagreements of our youth? How many grandparents find it so difficult to let go and see their grandchildren as adults with opinions that no longer agree whole-heartedly with everything they say? Do we even begin to ask about the spouses who can’t see past the “person you were when we got married” or are still trying to “mold” them into the perfect spouse to the detriment of the marriage?

As much as we want to be recognized for who we are, we need to also recognize who and why we continue to let people into our lives and to what level we allow their behavior to affect us.

"Nobody"

I’m ok with being a “nobody”. I don’t mind having a “small life”, living simply. Now by no means when I refer to being a “nobody” or “small life” do I myself consider it to be insignificant- quite the contrary, the terms “nobody” and “small life” refer to “the world’s or society’s view of success”. 

For me even the smallest details of my life hold great significance. These details are like pieces of a puzzle; events, people, places all fitting together for the larger picture, “a greater purpose” if you will.

As a young teen, “making it BIG” was being anywhere but living in the projects (subsidized housing) and making more money than I could spend in one lifetime.  Today, I have quite a different view, at this stage in my life it takes on a whole new meaning for me. Enjoying my simple life (even when filled with the daily chaos of work, school schedules, family activities, etc) is always a balancing act of sorts; family, friends, healthy choices, the ability to work to support my family, getting to know who I am, being comfortable in my own skin, embracing the good & the bad, all along knowing that God allows these things to happen for a greater purpose, HIS purpose. This is easier said than done at times, however, when I tend to get anxious and fall into the “trap” of comparing myself to what the world deems as success, with the barrage of messages from the media and sometimes from those around me, I take time to pray, I make it a priority to make time for God.  For me, it can be as simple as shutting my eyes for a brief moment & taking a few deep breaths, sitting out in the backyard and listening to the leaves rustle in the breeze, or reading verses in the Bible until I’m at peace.  One verse in particular has been “calling out” to me:

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I’m human, I’m not perfect, I’ll make mistakes along the way; stumbles along the way are inevitable, but knowing I’ll get through it…whatever “It” is, with God’s help gets me through.  I’m not always happy during the struggles, but then again, who is?... when I take that moment or two, and meditate, pray, reflect on the lesson that is to be learned, I’m grateful, stronger and able to pass along any insight gleaned and encourage those who may be going through something similar. 

 Having faith, the process of and the determination to continue to grow in my faith allows me never to let my life get completely out of hand, or bigger than what God is meant for me to handle at any given time.

Again I say, so what if I’m a “nobody” according to the world, I am a “somebody” and valued by God and THAT is what matters.

HOME

HOME… a simple word that can mean so very much & can be perceived in many different ways; to some, it may just be a physical place – a residence, an apartment, condo or house you go to at the end of a very busy day. For others, it can be a longing, a reminder of emptiness, a place filled with memories they’d rather forget. For some it’s a physical place, and a feeling of comfort or just the feeling itself no matter where you might be.

There’s a well known saying “Home is where the heart is”,  I’ve come to realize either through experiences or just the fact that I’m “getting older” this has become truer than ever for me.

Throughout my life, I have had many “homes” not all where a physical residence for an extended period, but the feelings of LOVE, Belonging, Peace, & Joy – “home” has been time spent with a dear friend, being a “source of comfort or encouragement” for someone, an unspoken understanding with a family member or close friend (because we know each other so well), a familiar sound or scent can create that as well.

During a conversation with my daughters the other day, they mentioned how much they enjoy the new neighborhood and house we recently moved into & both mentioned in unison that this “really feels like home”.  I smiled and knew exactly what they meant because I feel this way too, maybe because of the neighborhood’s location, the tree-lined streets, the numerous neighbors taking early evening strolls, the fact that in an odd way the increase in square footage inside and out somehow brings us closer together (the mere fact that we’re not living “all on top of each other”  eases the need for “more space”), perhaps it’s the combination of these things that allow for more of a family connection and those very feelings represent “home”.

These circumstances that lead me here, today, the memories, the experiences that allow me to “feel” home in a myriad of places are all due to the grace and love of God.  Not all my experiences and lessons have been pleasant ones, however, with by the pure Grace of God, He has “picked me up & dusted me off” to start anew, even when my strength isn’t enough, I lean on HIM and that glorious grace, well that is the ultimate feeling of “HOME”.  Trusting in HIM, and learning that it’s His purpose and timing (not mine) – that’s the “home” here on Earth.

As I reflect on these events, places and people that gave me that “home” feeling brought to mind some family and friends that are no longer here with us and some that may be leaving us sooner than we’d like.  I am saddened (selfishly wishing I had them here moments longer) yet I am filled with an unexplainable peace.

It’s human nature to fear (even for a moment) leaving “this world” – but blind faith & the realization that even our greatest day on Earth pales in comparison to the Beauty & Everlasting Love of Eternity with God.

“HOME”.

The Quest for Better Education Leads to a Mom behind bars

A parents job is to nurture, protect, do and give the best we can for our children, is it not? I am baffled by the recent events that occurred in Akron, OH.  For those that haven’t heard, a mom by the name of Kelley Williams-Bolar was arrested and sentenced to 10 days in jail for “falsifying documents” allowing her daughters to attend a school in a better neighborhood.  Let it be known, that the children’s grandfather resides in the neighborhood where this “better school” is located.

They say that Justice is Blind…in this case I believe justice was Blind, Deaf and Mute!  Now I am not advocating that everyone go breaking laws just to suit their needs, but really, a 10 day jail sentence and charged with multiple felony counts? Really? Really?  What was this judge thinking? There are better ways to make an example of someone, not to mention better ways to spend tax dollars for the citizens of Akron, OH.  While we are on the topic of tax dollars, let’s examine the school board’s response to the outrage once this story broke out; the school board cited that the reason for their investigation, yes you read this correctly, their investigation (how much of Akron’s tax dollars went into this, is yet to be made public), was because the residents of this affluent neighborhood pay taxes to support the schools in the area.  This has got to win the award for one of the weakest, explanations for targeting the under privileged I have heard to date.  Tax dollars? In case I missed something here, tax dollars were spent to prosecute a mother seeking to give her kids an opportunity to succeed, excel in a school where resources flow freely for educational tools, where her children can go to school without having to worry about the atmosphere and troubles in their assigned school zone.

So let’s say for arguments sake, we go along with the “tax dollar” excuse, need the school board be reminded that the grandfather of these children lives in the neighborhood and has been paying taxes that support this school.  This grandfather has been paying taxes for school children to be educated with the best possible chance of success in his neighborhood and he has no young children that even attend the school.  Why would it be so horrible if his hard earned tax dollars, which he is already paying mind you, go towards the education of his grandchildren?  Does anyone else see the “big hole” in the school board’s story? Or is it just me?

Now many are accusing the school board of racism, but I’ll go further and say that it may not only be that but separation of class or economic status (as is more “pc” to say today) as well.  Are only the affluent worthy of a top-notch education? Should anyone be denied the same opportunities because their families may not be able to afford the big houses and fancy cars that go along with the ritzy neighborhoods? Are families in the inner-cities to be valued less? Is the message here, if you earn less you’re worth less? (Pun intended). I think not!

What does this whole situation say about the sad state of affairs our nation’s educational system is in? To me, it speaks VOLUMES.  To say that “the world isn’t fair” in this case is nothing but a “cop-out”, it’s the equivalent to burying our heads in the sand and ignoring the issue.  People will argue that what this mother did was wrong, that she is showing her children how to circumvent the system; what I see here is an act of selflessness, a parent willing to do whatever it takes to give her children a chance at a future just as bright as any of those other children in that neighborhood.  I’ve heard comments made that “running” from these troubled schools and enrolling children in “good schools” isn’t the answer. “Fight or flight” this case shows it’s one and the same, fighting for a better education and fleeing to a better school. Perhaps, more parents should do this, leave our troubled, severely budget deprived local schools, “invade” and overcrowd the “good schools”. Perhaps this is the only way school boards across the nation will “get the hint” and finally realize what it’s like to have overcrowded classrooms, budgets spread so thinly that copy paper, pencils, textbooks and other learning tools become “hot commodities”; maybe then, they will understand what those “troubled” schools have to contend with in order to educate “the less fortunate”. 

This poses the question: Why aren’t all schools “good” schools? Why aren’t all schools provided the resources to provide a world class education?

There are lessons to be learned here:

1.      Break the law and there are consequences, but PLEASE let the “punishment fit the crime”. If they wanted to “make an example” out of this mom for falsifying documents and not paying the taxes owed, they could have set up community service in that very school district; a price I’m sure this mother and any other caring parent would be willing to pay. (I know that I’m not above cleaning classrooms or toilets, if it meant my children could attend a better school)

2.      Children deserve to be afforded great opportunities in order to achieve greatness. There is no excuse for separation of economic status when it comes to education, it’s not right and we cannot turn a blind eye any longer.

3.      “Fight or Flight”, “fight the good fight”, our children need us, not just our biological children, but children across this nation need us. It’s not someone else’s problem, it’s our problem and we had better put on our thinking caps, stop drawing lines in the sand and own up to it.

If we don’t work together to show our kids they are valued, then the future and its consequences due to our lack of action is more than I can bear. We need to make intelligent choices, if not, what’s next, death row sentence for making our kids eat their vegetables?

Celebration Tree

It’s January 16, 2011 and yes, my Christmas tree is STILL up. Yes, I know...It’s the middle of January and my tree is still up.

It’s an artificial tree but the emotions derived from its presence are anything but.

It was my first white tree, much like a blank canvas, I suppose that is the spark that started it all in the first place. The creative soul in me just had to have it; so up it went, the lights, like the sparkling stars in a beautiful night’s sky, the shiny bulbs reflecting the light and all the little extras that made it “just right”.

Now I know the tree has become the symbol of the Christmas season, the birth of Christ, the good in mankind, the hope for better days. My question to you is … “why stop there?”…just because the calendar says so? …No, not for me. I like the way it makes me feel and I’m not ready to “take it all down and put it away in a box”; to be contained until someone deems it proper to bring out again.

It’s become more than a “Christmas tree” to me this year. It’s a reminder to celebrate, to reflect, and to take a moment to enjoy the glow.

Listen, life can be hard, this simple little tree is a big reminder that I am not alone in life’s struggles, in its twists and turns and unexpected moments.

Whatever you believe…in God, the Universe, in Mother Earth, the knowing, and the blind faith that something, someone much bigger than us can help us through is of great comfort to me.

Right now, it’s not a Christmas tree, it’s become my “Celebration tree”, it’s been there while we brought in the New Year, and it will still be up throughout the month of January as we celebrate both of my lovely daughters’ birthdays. Perhaps, I’ll hang Valentines and cupids on it in February or President’s Day momentos my little one makes at school.  We’ll have shamrocks and leprechuans in March along with spring flowers and Easter eggs as we go into April.

Maybe, just maybe, we’ll celebrate the most random or “everyday” things, like finishing all the homework or getting dinner on the table on time and no one complaining, or even rejoice in the fact that the dog didn’t steal a piece of chicken from anyone’s plate.

Who says that the calendar has to dictate what, when and how I choose to celebrate, acknowledge and experience the moments in MY life …in my family’s life.

No, it’s “not normal”, it’s not conventional, but then again, anyone who REALLY knows me knows how I struggle with the whole “fitting into the norm” thing…who wants that? A world full of all the same, no quirky differences; So there it is, that simple little tree in the corner shining bright in the darkness of the room, the flood of emotions that fill me as I gaze upon it…the peace, the glowing lights, the sheer joy brings forth hope, excitement and anticipation of a new day--- a new beginning.

The great reminder of how I felt all those years ago, as a small child on Christmas morning.  I want that--- I need that… to greet each day with the same hopes and excitement as a child greets the long awaited Christmas morning.

So there my tree stands, to remind me of my Blessings, to remind me to greet each day with joy and eagerness, to be open to what God lays before me, to rejoice in whatever brings a smile to my face, to fully experience this life of mine, to take the good with the bad, ride the highs and hang tight through the lows.

So I sit here in the room enjoying the glowing lights on this tree—our “Celebration tree” , with a renewed spirit and determination to enjoy the life I’ve been given, be who I am, have the fearlessness and wonder of a child--- ready to do more than merely exist, to experience and be engaged in the moments of my life.

Yes, it’s January 16, 2011 and my tree is still up.