HIS Voice In The Rain

Silence to roar
Filling me with pulsating sound
Darkness to light
Jagged patterns electric night sky.

Calling out to me without saying my name
Drenched in the cleansing downpour
Wrapped in the wind of your comforting embrace
With the promise of starting anew
Soothing my fears of what lies ahead

Your tears of joy soak my skin as I begin to understand
The path to walk, I will not be alone

Vision is given
Not seen by these eyes
Yet completely clear with a faithful heart

The DIY Project

Garage sales, hand me downs, salvage yards
Used, worn out, broken, purpose served
Or is it?

In the hands of a skilled craftsman, a new vision is born.
Seen through the eyes of love, passion breathes new life.

What's rough around the edges, gets sanded down
Just enough to begin the change
Retaining the nicks and scrapes that gave it character.

Driftwood that becomes wall art
Scraps of metal welded into a sculpture
Random trinkets and gears whose shapes are captured in a photograph
The old tree stump that is now a rustic backyard table

Discarded no more
What's old now new
As if to say, "your first task complete, now lets prepare for the next"

In the hands of the skilled Creator
I've been given new life
Broken, abandoned, discouraged
He loved me anyway, He saw everything I was
He sees all I can be
Trusting His hands, to shape me
Old wounds turn to lessons
Lessons to compassion
Compassion to encouragement

Only the willingness to surrender
The faith to believe
Allows me to catch a glimpse of what He sees in me

I sometimes ask why, all this for me
In my heart, He whispers His sweet reply
Joy

I begin to understand
Like the joy that comes from seeing something in a new light
A DIY project if you will
In the skilled hands of the Creator I've been given new life.

Lighthouse

I’ve always had affinity for lighthouses but, it’s more than just the picture perfect postcard aspect. Certainly we are all aware of their purpose, to guide ships safely home from dangerous areas at sea and through the storms by shining that beacon of light.  This elegantly understated structure, beautifully & prominently perched atop the cliffs, watching over the ships at sea whether its placid or turbulent; much like God protecting, guiding & lighting our way --- all we have to do is seek Him. 

Not only should we constantly seek God’s direction, we need to follow where He is leading us, the timing is hardly ever something that matches our own; be patient, listen, trust. Faith for me is having the courage to move through the uncertainties, the insecurities and fears.

As I ponder the direction of my own life, God has placed a desire in my heart to accomplish more, through assisting and encouraging others, be it by “lending a helping hand”, listening, advising and just being the best person I can be; not for selfish gain, not to be remembered as just having done good things, but to move people to do the same.  Connecting with, one life touching another, encouragement goes a long way; it’s the safe harbor when we feel like we’ve lost our way.

How splendid would it be if we’d all look out for, guide one another, just as that lighthouse on the cliff, following God’s example; shining brightly, that light within, encouraging one another, building each other up, growing in faith throughout life’s journey, in the calm & the storm, illuminating as it should be, the selflessness of extending ourselves for the greater good.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4

"Nobody"

I’m ok with being a “nobody”. I don’t mind having a “small life”, living simply. Now by no means when I refer to being a “nobody” or “small life” do I myself consider it to be insignificant- quite the contrary, the terms “nobody” and “small life” refer to “the world’s or society’s view of success”. 

For me even the smallest details of my life hold great significance. These details are like pieces of a puzzle; events, people, places all fitting together for the larger picture, “a greater purpose” if you will.

As a young teen, “making it BIG” was being anywhere but living in the projects (subsidized housing) and making more money than I could spend in one lifetime.  Today, I have quite a different view, at this stage in my life it takes on a whole new meaning for me. Enjoying my simple life (even when filled with the daily chaos of work, school schedules, family activities, etc) is always a balancing act of sorts; family, friends, healthy choices, the ability to work to support my family, getting to know who I am, being comfortable in my own skin, embracing the good & the bad, all along knowing that God allows these things to happen for a greater purpose, HIS purpose. This is easier said than done at times, however, when I tend to get anxious and fall into the “trap” of comparing myself to what the world deems as success, with the barrage of messages from the media and sometimes from those around me, I take time to pray, I make it a priority to make time for God.  For me, it can be as simple as shutting my eyes for a brief moment & taking a few deep breaths, sitting out in the backyard and listening to the leaves rustle in the breeze, or reading verses in the Bible until I’m at peace.  One verse in particular has been “calling out” to me:

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I’m human, I’m not perfect, I’ll make mistakes along the way; stumbles along the way are inevitable, but knowing I’ll get through it…whatever “It” is, with God’s help gets me through.  I’m not always happy during the struggles, but then again, who is?... when I take that moment or two, and meditate, pray, reflect on the lesson that is to be learned, I’m grateful, stronger and able to pass along any insight gleaned and encourage those who may be going through something similar. 

 Having faith, the process of and the determination to continue to grow in my faith allows me never to let my life get completely out of hand, or bigger than what God is meant for me to handle at any given time.

Again I say, so what if I’m a “nobody” according to the world, I am a “somebody” and valued by God and THAT is what matters.

HOME

HOME… a simple word that can mean so very much & can be perceived in many different ways; to some, it may just be a physical place – a residence, an apartment, condo or house you go to at the end of a very busy day. For others, it can be a longing, a reminder of emptiness, a place filled with memories they’d rather forget. For some it’s a physical place, and a feeling of comfort or just the feeling itself no matter where you might be.

There’s a well known saying “Home is where the heart is”,  I’ve come to realize either through experiences or just the fact that I’m “getting older” this has become truer than ever for me.

Throughout my life, I have had many “homes” not all where a physical residence for an extended period, but the feelings of LOVE, Belonging, Peace, & Joy – “home” has been time spent with a dear friend, being a “source of comfort or encouragement” for someone, an unspoken understanding with a family member or close friend (because we know each other so well), a familiar sound or scent can create that as well.

During a conversation with my daughters the other day, they mentioned how much they enjoy the new neighborhood and house we recently moved into & both mentioned in unison that this “really feels like home”.  I smiled and knew exactly what they meant because I feel this way too, maybe because of the neighborhood’s location, the tree-lined streets, the numerous neighbors taking early evening strolls, the fact that in an odd way the increase in square footage inside and out somehow brings us closer together (the mere fact that we’re not living “all on top of each other”  eases the need for “more space”), perhaps it’s the combination of these things that allow for more of a family connection and those very feelings represent “home”.

These circumstances that lead me here, today, the memories, the experiences that allow me to “feel” home in a myriad of places are all due to the grace and love of God.  Not all my experiences and lessons have been pleasant ones, however, with by the pure Grace of God, He has “picked me up & dusted me off” to start anew, even when my strength isn’t enough, I lean on HIM and that glorious grace, well that is the ultimate feeling of “HOME”.  Trusting in HIM, and learning that it’s His purpose and timing (not mine) – that’s the “home” here on Earth.

As I reflect on these events, places and people that gave me that “home” feeling brought to mind some family and friends that are no longer here with us and some that may be leaving us sooner than we’d like.  I am saddened (selfishly wishing I had them here moments longer) yet I am filled with an unexplainable peace.

It’s human nature to fear (even for a moment) leaving “this world” – but blind faith & the realization that even our greatest day on Earth pales in comparison to the Beauty & Everlasting Love of Eternity with God.

“HOME”.

Courage, Faith & Vision

“Blindfolded, holding Your hand, gaining courage to truly see the Vision for my Life.” 

(This is what I felt tonight, what was placed on my heart, so I say it out loud and I was guided to write it all down.)

It’s not about knowing all the answers, not even one. Faith takes courage, the strength to let go of fear-based, false sense of comfort; Odd, yet true.

Thinking things through and over analyzing are two very different things. Making sound choices after thoughtful consideration is always best (thinking things through), rather than second guessing yourself (over analyzing), and your God given intuition. How dare we second guess God? Yet it happens more often than we’d care to admit, more often than I’d like to admit to myself.  I’ve endured many things in this life, things that I work through daily, things I’d rather not remember so I set them aside; foolishly thinking I’ve locked them away.  I haven’t, I’ve only postponed the lessons to be learned and because I’ve done so, some of these lessons pile up and come at me at a rapid fire pace. If only, I was willing to learn and listen when I was supposed to.

So I frantically, try to think my way out of it rather than trusting God. Again, foolish, I know.  This is not to say that I should sit back and do absolutely nothing, certainly not, for God has Blessed me with for lack of a better term a good “gut-feeling” detector, a sound mind (although some decisions in life may show otherwise, but that was pure stubbornness on my part), a passion for writing and the willingness to speak about it all.

Yet, I need to learn how to take a moment , perhaps more than just a moment, sit back, close my eyes, LISTEN & FEEL what God is telling me, where He is leading me.  How could I possibly hear God if I’m tuned into all the “noise” I surround myself with in this busy world of mine? So I must sit back, breathe deep, listen & feel.

It’s easy to see the obvious Blessings, my family, our health, our home and even the current job I’m not so fond of.  It’s harder to see the hidden Blessings; the ones that come in “lesson plan” form.  The ones that make us wonder “why”, “where to now”, “when”, the answers won’t be heard nor felt if we stand there making a fuss, stomping our feet like a spoiled little child demanding it all now. I must remember this is the ultimate “parent /child” relationship and like any good “parent” why would there be a reward for “bad behavior” such as the demanding to know the “where, why and when” when we clearly can’t hear and obviously not ready.

Embracing the things we endure isn’t easy, but somehow, I know the Blessing is in the getting through it and taking the lesson from it for our own sake and perhaps to encourage or teach someone else along the way.

I know that there is more I need to do with my life, but right now I feel that I must learn more, endure more prior to the “doing more”; so as hard as it is to patiently learn what needs to be taught, I must be a willing pupil.  Let the lessons continue…

This Woman's Prayer

Thank you Lord, for loving me so completely, for though I am not worthy.  Thank you for your guidance although I may not always follow. 

You wait lovingly & patiently as only a Father could.

When dark clouds of doubt creep in, You lift me up and push me forward.

Lord, redirect my path when I go astray, light the way in my hour of darkness, as I foolishly follow the ways of the world.

Forgive me for impatiently forging ahead when I'm not ready or traveling on roads I need not be on.

Lord, continue to love me as no one else could; hold me close, fill me with your love, renew my faith, give me strength & courage to walk the path destined for me, develop in me compassion unending.

Teach me to be a better person, a parent who encourages, a parent who is just, a wife, a daughter, a sister that not only leads but listens and follows when necessary.

Thank you for your grace & everlasting love.

Amen.

Kaleidoscope

I saw a striking photograph today and the form of the object and reflections from the sunlight reminded me of a kaleidoscope. It brought me back to a time in my childhood when things were so beautifully simple. The memory that flashed in my mind was that of me enjoying this simple toy, outdoors, my little face lifted up soaking up the sunlight, gentle breeze slowly swaying my ponytail back and forth.  Looking through that kaleidoscope, twisting it this way and that, those bright bold colors creating unimaginable shapes, simple yet so beautiful.

That’s when it dawned on me; I want my life to be like that kaleidoscope.

[1]Wikipedia defines a kaleidoscope “as a circle of mirrors containing loose, colored objects such as beads or pebbles and bits of glass. As the viewer looks into one end, light entering the other end creates a colorful pattern, due to the reflection off the mirrors.”

Now let’s think about that for a minute, what better way to describe a joyous, purposeful life. How many times have we felt that life has given us loose ends, pieces that one couldn’t possibly think would fit together, let alone create something interesting, bright, bold and beautiful.  Everyone prefers shiny pretty beads to pebbles and bits of glass, but life has a way of tossing in those annoying “pebbles”, things we’d rather not do, jobs we might not be fond of, events that are just downright bothersome, sometimes even people. Bits of glass, those sharp unexpected shards that cut, sting, hurt and make us bleed in one way shape or form; those emotional upsets that at times stop us in our tracks even momentarily. Those mirrors and reflections from the light, how you present yourself to the world, how you hold yourself accountable for your actions, how others perceive you; separately it seems like one colossal mess and yes, it can be just that, a big mess, if we choose to see it that way.

I’d rather combine it all, the pretty bright happy moments, the life lessons learned with the pebbles and bits of glass, never easy but in hindsight so incredibly valuable, they are in a way the small gifts of wisdom we collect over time. The mirrors showing us what we’ve done, the good or bad, reflecting who we are or what we will become and the light, yes the light, the guidance of God. That light can be warm and comforting or bright and glaring as need be in that particular moment of our life.

Together the combination of forms, colors and shapes our lives can take is unimaginable. The excitement, joy and uncertainty of the new, the learned experiences of the past working as one to create something unique is a Blessing.

I may not know exactly what life has in store, or where I’m headed but I will try my best each day to remember that be it a shiny pretty bead, a pebble or a bit of glass, it will come together in the end just fine as long as the reflection in that mirror continues to bask in the glow of the light.

[1] From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia  2011

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Celebration Tree

It’s January 16, 2011 and yes, my Christmas tree is STILL up. Yes, I know...It’s the middle of January and my tree is still up.

It’s an artificial tree but the emotions derived from its presence are anything but.

It was my first white tree, much like a blank canvas, I suppose that is the spark that started it all in the first place. The creative soul in me just had to have it; so up it went, the lights, like the sparkling stars in a beautiful night’s sky, the shiny bulbs reflecting the light and all the little extras that made it “just right”.

Now I know the tree has become the symbol of the Christmas season, the birth of Christ, the good in mankind, the hope for better days. My question to you is … “why stop there?”…just because the calendar says so? …No, not for me. I like the way it makes me feel and I’m not ready to “take it all down and put it away in a box”; to be contained until someone deems it proper to bring out again.

It’s become more than a “Christmas tree” to me this year. It’s a reminder to celebrate, to reflect, and to take a moment to enjoy the glow.

Listen, life can be hard, this simple little tree is a big reminder that I am not alone in life’s struggles, in its twists and turns and unexpected moments.

Whatever you believe…in God, the Universe, in Mother Earth, the knowing, and the blind faith that something, someone much bigger than us can help us through is of great comfort to me.

Right now, it’s not a Christmas tree, it’s become my “Celebration tree”, it’s been there while we brought in the New Year, and it will still be up throughout the month of January as we celebrate both of my lovely daughters’ birthdays. Perhaps, I’ll hang Valentines and cupids on it in February or President’s Day momentos my little one makes at school.  We’ll have shamrocks and leprechuans in March along with spring flowers and Easter eggs as we go into April.

Maybe, just maybe, we’ll celebrate the most random or “everyday” things, like finishing all the homework or getting dinner on the table on time and no one complaining, or even rejoice in the fact that the dog didn’t steal a piece of chicken from anyone’s plate.

Who says that the calendar has to dictate what, when and how I choose to celebrate, acknowledge and experience the moments in MY life …in my family’s life.

No, it’s “not normal”, it’s not conventional, but then again, anyone who REALLY knows me knows how I struggle with the whole “fitting into the norm” thing…who wants that? A world full of all the same, no quirky differences; So there it is, that simple little tree in the corner shining bright in the darkness of the room, the flood of emotions that fill me as I gaze upon it…the peace, the glowing lights, the sheer joy brings forth hope, excitement and anticipation of a new day--- a new beginning.

The great reminder of how I felt all those years ago, as a small child on Christmas morning.  I want that--- I need that… to greet each day with the same hopes and excitement as a child greets the long awaited Christmas morning.

So there my tree stands, to remind me of my Blessings, to remind me to greet each day with joy and eagerness, to be open to what God lays before me, to rejoice in whatever brings a smile to my face, to fully experience this life of mine, to take the good with the bad, ride the highs and hang tight through the lows.

So I sit here in the room enjoying the glowing lights on this tree—our “Celebration tree” , with a renewed spirit and determination to enjoy the life I’ve been given, be who I am, have the fearlessness and wonder of a child--- ready to do more than merely exist, to experience and be engaged in the moments of my life.

Yes, it’s January 16, 2011 and my tree is still up.