Evolution

Relationships.

 That one word can bring us warm good feelings or send us running and screaming in the opposite direction.  Unless you’re a hermit up in the hills, you can’t escape it, relationships are all around us. From the moment we’re born we’re in one; the parent-child relationship, which then flows like a river into several others, the sibling relationship, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.  These are the biological relationships that are decided for you, good or bad these are the first steps of careful navigation.

Friends, acquaintances, co-workers these are the ones we get to choose, in the early days, our parents may choose our friends/playmates. As we grow older we have more say so in whom we let enter into our lives.  For some, it’s the “family” we thankfully get to choose.

Now this being said, all these relationships can add or detract from what we hold of value in our lives.  Each relationship is unique although you can certainly see similarities from one to another. A friend can remind you of a cousin, grandparents can be strict version of your own parents or the total opposite, by spoiling you rotten when you’re a kid.

No matter which one it is, they all go through its ups and downs. It goes through changes, some that are barely noticeable, some that are so dramatic you wonder how your life isn’t nominated for an Oscar or Emmy each year.

Just like the seasons, our relationships go through much needed phases. It is up to us to decide if will survive through each season; will it survive the “harsh winter”, the bad times, and blossom again in the “spring”?  If we don’t adjust to these changes, allow each of the parties involved to grow, express themselves, it will wither like a flower with no sunlight.  How many people do you know that are stuck in a rut, be it a parent & child, always at odds, never willing to hear the other out for fear of losing control? How many siblings hold on to the rivalries and disagreements of our youth? How many grandparents find it so difficult to let go and see their grandchildren as adults with opinions that no longer agree whole-heartedly with everything they say? Do we even begin to ask about the spouses who can’t see past the “person you were when we got married” or are still trying to “mold” them into the perfect spouse to the detriment of the marriage?

As much as we want to be recognized for who we are, we need to also recognize who and why we continue to let people into our lives and to what level we allow their behavior to affect us.

HOME

HOME… a simple word that can mean so very much & can be perceived in many different ways; to some, it may just be a physical place – a residence, an apartment, condo or house you go to at the end of a very busy day. For others, it can be a longing, a reminder of emptiness, a place filled with memories they’d rather forget. For some it’s a physical place, and a feeling of comfort or just the feeling itself no matter where you might be.

There’s a well known saying “Home is where the heart is”,  I’ve come to realize either through experiences or just the fact that I’m “getting older” this has become truer than ever for me.

Throughout my life, I have had many “homes” not all where a physical residence for an extended period, but the feelings of LOVE, Belonging, Peace, & Joy – “home” has been time spent with a dear friend, being a “source of comfort or encouragement” for someone, an unspoken understanding with a family member or close friend (because we know each other so well), a familiar sound or scent can create that as well.

During a conversation with my daughters the other day, they mentioned how much they enjoy the new neighborhood and house we recently moved into & both mentioned in unison that this “really feels like home”.  I smiled and knew exactly what they meant because I feel this way too, maybe because of the neighborhood’s location, the tree-lined streets, the numerous neighbors taking early evening strolls, the fact that in an odd way the increase in square footage inside and out somehow brings us closer together (the mere fact that we’re not living “all on top of each other”  eases the need for “more space”), perhaps it’s the combination of these things that allow for more of a family connection and those very feelings represent “home”.

These circumstances that lead me here, today, the memories, the experiences that allow me to “feel” home in a myriad of places are all due to the grace and love of God.  Not all my experiences and lessons have been pleasant ones, however, with by the pure Grace of God, He has “picked me up & dusted me off” to start anew, even when my strength isn’t enough, I lean on HIM and that glorious grace, well that is the ultimate feeling of “HOME”.  Trusting in HIM, and learning that it’s His purpose and timing (not mine) – that’s the “home” here on Earth.

As I reflect on these events, places and people that gave me that “home” feeling brought to mind some family and friends that are no longer here with us and some that may be leaving us sooner than we’d like.  I am saddened (selfishly wishing I had them here moments longer) yet I am filled with an unexplainable peace.

It’s human nature to fear (even for a moment) leaving “this world” – but blind faith & the realization that even our greatest day on Earth pales in comparison to the Beauty & Everlasting Love of Eternity with God.

“HOME”.

Courage, Faith & Vision

“Blindfolded, holding Your hand, gaining courage to truly see the Vision for my Life.” 

(This is what I felt tonight, what was placed on my heart, so I say it out loud and I was guided to write it all down.)

It’s not about knowing all the answers, not even one. Faith takes courage, the strength to let go of fear-based, false sense of comfort; Odd, yet true.

Thinking things through and over analyzing are two very different things. Making sound choices after thoughtful consideration is always best (thinking things through), rather than second guessing yourself (over analyzing), and your God given intuition. How dare we second guess God? Yet it happens more often than we’d care to admit, more often than I’d like to admit to myself.  I’ve endured many things in this life, things that I work through daily, things I’d rather not remember so I set them aside; foolishly thinking I’ve locked them away.  I haven’t, I’ve only postponed the lessons to be learned and because I’ve done so, some of these lessons pile up and come at me at a rapid fire pace. If only, I was willing to learn and listen when I was supposed to.

So I frantically, try to think my way out of it rather than trusting God. Again, foolish, I know.  This is not to say that I should sit back and do absolutely nothing, certainly not, for God has Blessed me with for lack of a better term a good “gut-feeling” detector, a sound mind (although some decisions in life may show otherwise, but that was pure stubbornness on my part), a passion for writing and the willingness to speak about it all.

Yet, I need to learn how to take a moment , perhaps more than just a moment, sit back, close my eyes, LISTEN & FEEL what God is telling me, where He is leading me.  How could I possibly hear God if I’m tuned into all the “noise” I surround myself with in this busy world of mine? So I must sit back, breathe deep, listen & feel.

It’s easy to see the obvious Blessings, my family, our health, our home and even the current job I’m not so fond of.  It’s harder to see the hidden Blessings; the ones that come in “lesson plan” form.  The ones that make us wonder “why”, “where to now”, “when”, the answers won’t be heard nor felt if we stand there making a fuss, stomping our feet like a spoiled little child demanding it all now. I must remember this is the ultimate “parent /child” relationship and like any good “parent” why would there be a reward for “bad behavior” such as the demanding to know the “where, why and when” when we clearly can’t hear and obviously not ready.

Embracing the things we endure isn’t easy, but somehow, I know the Blessing is in the getting through it and taking the lesson from it for our own sake and perhaps to encourage or teach someone else along the way.

I know that there is more I need to do with my life, but right now I feel that I must learn more, endure more prior to the “doing more”; so as hard as it is to patiently learn what needs to be taught, I must be a willing pupil.  Let the lessons continue…

Be it a whisper or a scream, I have a voice, do you even hear the sound?

Do you hear me? Are you listening?

As I look upon the title I have given my Blog, “This Woman’s Voice”, I have to say it came quite naturally and is indeed appropriate.

I write because it is me, it’s who I am, it’s the breath in my lungs, the blood coursing through me veins to deny this would be to ask me to cease to exist. It’s the release of pressures, the melting away of sadness and doubt, the food for a creative soul reaching out to the world, looking inward to water a seed that so needs to be nurtured in order to blossom into something I am meant to be.

To share subtle thoughts, feelings, bold opinions, the spark that starts wonderful conversations or a raging debate, the exchange of ideas is invigorating. I hope that somehow my life’s experiences, those heartfelt expressions evoke emotion and change in others and give me the strength to push forward.  I pray they bring comfort to those that need it, tough love lessons to those that deserve it and a wakeup call sounding the alarm.

I have been told that I write solely because I feel “the need to have the whole world hear me”. It’s so much more than that, but I cannot discount that there is some merit to that somewhat painful comment.

I do write for the very reasons I’ve mentioned earlier, and yes, I write to be heard. Who on this earth wants to be forever silenced, to have so much to say, to open their mouth and not a sound to be heard? Perhaps I continue to write because quite often I’ve felt that those closest to me have never taken the time to not only hear me but to truly listen to “my voice”.

The Quest for Better Education Leads to a Mom behind bars

A parents job is to nurture, protect, do and give the best we can for our children, is it not? I am baffled by the recent events that occurred in Akron, OH.  For those that haven’t heard, a mom by the name of Kelley Williams-Bolar was arrested and sentenced to 10 days in jail for “falsifying documents” allowing her daughters to attend a school in a better neighborhood.  Let it be known, that the children’s grandfather resides in the neighborhood where this “better school” is located.

They say that Justice is Blind…in this case I believe justice was Blind, Deaf and Mute!  Now I am not advocating that everyone go breaking laws just to suit their needs, but really, a 10 day jail sentence and charged with multiple felony counts? Really? Really?  What was this judge thinking? There are better ways to make an example of someone, not to mention better ways to spend tax dollars for the citizens of Akron, OH.  While we are on the topic of tax dollars, let’s examine the school board’s response to the outrage once this story broke out; the school board cited that the reason for their investigation, yes you read this correctly, their investigation (how much of Akron’s tax dollars went into this, is yet to be made public), was because the residents of this affluent neighborhood pay taxes to support the schools in the area.  This has got to win the award for one of the weakest, explanations for targeting the under privileged I have heard to date.  Tax dollars? In case I missed something here, tax dollars were spent to prosecute a mother seeking to give her kids an opportunity to succeed, excel in a school where resources flow freely for educational tools, where her children can go to school without having to worry about the atmosphere and troubles in their assigned school zone.

So let’s say for arguments sake, we go along with the “tax dollar” excuse, need the school board be reminded that the grandfather of these children lives in the neighborhood and has been paying taxes that support this school.  This grandfather has been paying taxes for school children to be educated with the best possible chance of success in his neighborhood and he has no young children that even attend the school.  Why would it be so horrible if his hard earned tax dollars, which he is already paying mind you, go towards the education of his grandchildren?  Does anyone else see the “big hole” in the school board’s story? Or is it just me?

Now many are accusing the school board of racism, but I’ll go further and say that it may not only be that but separation of class or economic status (as is more “pc” to say today) as well.  Are only the affluent worthy of a top-notch education? Should anyone be denied the same opportunities because their families may not be able to afford the big houses and fancy cars that go along with the ritzy neighborhoods? Are families in the inner-cities to be valued less? Is the message here, if you earn less you’re worth less? (Pun intended). I think not!

What does this whole situation say about the sad state of affairs our nation’s educational system is in? To me, it speaks VOLUMES.  To say that “the world isn’t fair” in this case is nothing but a “cop-out”, it’s the equivalent to burying our heads in the sand and ignoring the issue.  People will argue that what this mother did was wrong, that she is showing her children how to circumvent the system; what I see here is an act of selflessness, a parent willing to do whatever it takes to give her children a chance at a future just as bright as any of those other children in that neighborhood.  I’ve heard comments made that “running” from these troubled schools and enrolling children in “good schools” isn’t the answer. “Fight or flight” this case shows it’s one and the same, fighting for a better education and fleeing to a better school. Perhaps, more parents should do this, leave our troubled, severely budget deprived local schools, “invade” and overcrowd the “good schools”. Perhaps this is the only way school boards across the nation will “get the hint” and finally realize what it’s like to have overcrowded classrooms, budgets spread so thinly that copy paper, pencils, textbooks and other learning tools become “hot commodities”; maybe then, they will understand what those “troubled” schools have to contend with in order to educate “the less fortunate”. 

This poses the question: Why aren’t all schools “good” schools? Why aren’t all schools provided the resources to provide a world class education?

There are lessons to be learned here:

1.      Break the law and there are consequences, but PLEASE let the “punishment fit the crime”. If they wanted to “make an example” out of this mom for falsifying documents and not paying the taxes owed, they could have set up community service in that very school district; a price I’m sure this mother and any other caring parent would be willing to pay. (I know that I’m not above cleaning classrooms or toilets, if it meant my children could attend a better school)

2.      Children deserve to be afforded great opportunities in order to achieve greatness. There is no excuse for separation of economic status when it comes to education, it’s not right and we cannot turn a blind eye any longer.

3.      “Fight or Flight”, “fight the good fight”, our children need us, not just our biological children, but children across this nation need us. It’s not someone else’s problem, it’s our problem and we had better put on our thinking caps, stop drawing lines in the sand and own up to it.

If we don’t work together to show our kids they are valued, then the future and its consequences due to our lack of action is more than I can bear. We need to make intelligent choices, if not, what’s next, death row sentence for making our kids eat their vegetables?