I Want

How I HOPE To Be Remembered

A creative soul who exudes expression from the core of their being with the ability to evoke emotion and influence others through their gifts.

#GIANTKILLER

The Leaf

Bursting with life.
Droplets of rain, rustling in the breeze, rays of sunlight.

Life cycle began like the green of her youth. In time, lessons and experiences vibrantly colored her life.

A bit tattered and torn no longer brand new. For what she has seen and how she's survived, all part of her story that keeps her alive.

Like A Nest In A Tree

Like branches holding a nest in a tree
God's love and grace will cradle me
Secured by the branches
Like His holy grace, rest assured in His loving embrace
The winds may come, blowing to and fro
His love is unwavering for this I know
Lord I trust in your plan for me
Like the cradled little nest perched high in the tree.

The Music Within

I know I'm a writer with so many things to say.
I've  come to realize the beauty in things unsaid.
To feel them deep within instead.
So many useless words being said
Listen
Breathe in the melodies
Now the words you speak will be the greatest symphonies ever heard
The music within expressing so much more without a single word.

HIS Voice In The Rain

Silence to roar
Filling me with pulsating sound
Darkness to light
Jagged patterns electric night sky.

Calling out to me without saying my name
Drenched in the cleansing downpour
Wrapped in the wind of your comforting embrace
With the promise of starting anew
Soothing my fears of what lies ahead

Your tears of joy soak my skin as I begin to understand
The path to walk, I will not be alone

Vision is given
Not seen by these eyes
Yet completely clear with a faithful heart

 

This week I am honored to share a post from a very special guest, MY MOM.  She is also very talented (if I do say so myself).  She hasn't explored her creative side in quite some time...it's HER turn now...WATCH OUT!!!

 

 

New Beginnings

 

You’re born, you become a child and then as fast as you blink you’re a teenager and realize that your life as you know it has turned upside down. You moved on because, the space you’ve occupied has been filled with others to share…you live and learn.

You’ve become a young lady and mother it was your calling. Your child is the most beautiful little person you’ve ever seen, motherhood does not come with instructions so you do what you can…you live and learn.  Through those years you have happy times, laughter,

tears and sorrow….you live and learn.  You then have another beautiful child you have good times, tears and sorrows…you live and learn.

 

Through the years the union you considered solid and depended on, prayed for and at times cried for has rescinded into memories that at times made you happy, and angry. These memories you take with you.  You look into your soul and realize that the time has come for new beginnings….you live and learn.

 

The new beginnings will be a surprise because you don’t know what it has in store for you.  Yesterday was the past, today is the present tomorrow will be a gift. The new beginnings will lift your spirit it will be an opportunity to rejoice…you live and learn.

 

 

Hilda Marrero

©April 2013

 

 

I'm Not A Morning Person

I’m not a morning person.

That bird perched on the rooftop determined to wake me before my alarm goes off

Closing my eyes tighter, snuggling deeper under covers, my alarm starts to ring

I’m not a morning person.

My fluffy little puppy so happily greets me, I smile, and then I remember

I’m not a morning person.

I begrudgingly rise and start towards the shower to begin my morning routine

Moments later with much needed coffee in hand, taking in a sip stepping out on the patio, soaking in the daylight

Face towards the heavens, a slight smile starts , and then I remember

I’m not a morning person.

Dressed and ready for work, heading out the door, breathing deeply and a smile on my face, I almost forget

I’m not a morning person.

Slowly accepting, appreciating the peace of God the early morning brings

Could it be, He is showing me how lovely it could be

If only I was morning person.

Psalms 118:24

New International Version (NIV)

²⁴ The Lord has done it this very day;
    let us rejoice today and be glad.

 Ilene Guido

© April 27, 2013

Loving Through the Ugly

I'm a parent, most days my kids bring me great joy, other times not so much. On those "not so much" days I want to pack my bags and come back when they're grown. As a responsible parent,I know I can't do that; its just a crazy fantasy to get me through their moments of bickering.

The latest "battle" stems from them sharing a bedroom. Each one wants the other to take the extra bedroom once their older brother moves out. Each one complains endlessly about the other, some valid points, mostly whining and selfish desires.

My oldest daughter tried to get me to take her side, by saying the youngest is messy and rude. At my wits end, I answered back "sometimes you just have to love through the ugly".  Now I'm a parent who likes to use small everyday events as teachable moments. In that instant, I knew our Heavenly Father was using this moment with my children to teach me as well.

You see, at some point in our lives and relationships, be it parent & child, siblings or husband & wife we have to love through the ugly. This by no means is a free pass to allow people mistreat you on a regular basis. What I'm trying to convey is that people including you and I, will have moments of ugliness. Occasions where we are less than grateful, courteous, understanding or loving. In these instances, wouldn't you want someone to be patient, kind & understanding enough to love us through our "ugly"?

It isn't easy, or even remotely pleasurable; more like waiting out a horrific storm. You don't have to agree with the transgression, but be wise enough to step back, let go of the need to be right, and go about your life. I can't promise that everything will turn out to our liking, but we have to try to see if the good out weighs the bad. Emotions, as wonderful as they are can often distort the truth when that's all we're focused on.

In teaching my girls this lesson, I'm thankful that God has loved me through many of my ugly moments, aren't you?

John 15:12 (NIV) - My command its this: Love each other as I have loved you.

The DIY Project

Garage sales, hand me downs, salvage yards
Used, worn out, broken, purpose served
Or is it?

In the hands of a skilled craftsman, a new vision is born.
Seen through the eyes of love, passion breathes new life.

What's rough around the edges, gets sanded down
Just enough to begin the change
Retaining the nicks and scrapes that gave it character.

Driftwood that becomes wall art
Scraps of metal welded into a sculpture
Random trinkets and gears whose shapes are captured in a photograph
The old tree stump that is now a rustic backyard table

Discarded no more
What's old now new
As if to say, "your first task complete, now lets prepare for the next"

In the hands of the skilled Creator
I've been given new life
Broken, abandoned, discouraged
He loved me anyway, He saw everything I was
He sees all I can be
Trusting His hands, to shape me
Old wounds turn to lessons
Lessons to compassion
Compassion to encouragement

Only the willingness to surrender
The faith to believe
Allows me to catch a glimpse of what He sees in me

I sometimes ask why, all this for me
In my heart, He whispers His sweet reply
Joy

I begin to understand
Like the joy that comes from seeing something in a new light
A DIY project if you will
In the skilled hands of the Creator I've been given new life.

Mrs. Rumble

Sweeter than perfume and  freshly baked cookies,

Hugs so good the warmth would last for days on end.

A smile so bright it was only outdone by the sun,

Gentle, soft spoken, in the presence of love.

That was Mrs. Rumble, our next door neighbor when I was just a little girl. She was my "extra grandma", and I was her "sweet little girl". Now looking back, she had the patience of a saint, listening intently to a four year old and my endless gibberish, my thousands of questions about her life, her family who lived far away, her perfect white hair and how she knew how many marshmallows to make the hot chocolate taste just right. She'd knock on our door to check in on the young mother (my mom) with the most inquisitive little girl in our building, yes that would be me. She never grew tired of my boundless energy and often asked me about my adventures as a "big girl" now in preschool.

My favorite moments were during Christmas, when entering her apartment was like entering Santa's workshop itself. Her knack for decorating her tiny little one bedroom apartment better than Macy's Christmas display on 34th street was unbelievable. The little villages set up under the tree, with the tiny homes and ice skating figurines were my favorite. It was as if I was transported to another place and time.

That was Mrs. Rumble, no matter the season, the time of day, in her presence you were transported to a place of pure love; a truly genuine person, who loving reminded me of my "please and thank you's", 

When circumstances caused our neighbors and my family in our tenement building to move away, it was a sad day indeed. Mrs. Rumble moved to  a farm in the Mid West with one of her children, I was told.

Although she is long gone, her presence in my life a remains a lovely memory and I've been blessed to have her in my life. I thank God for her and all the other Mrs. Rumble-like people He's placed in my life since then; it serves as a reminder of the person I'd like to be.

Chalk Outline

There's a chalk outline where family used to be.

Stark contrast to what once was

There's  a chalk outline where family used to be.

Cold and wounded for all to see

There's a chalk outline where family used to be.

Caution tape and cries they refuse to hear

There's a chalk outline where family used to be.

Pointing fingers, tossing blame

There's a chalk outline where family used to be.

Denial, anger, mourning

There's a chalk outline where family used to be.

I can't be the only one to notice

There's a chalk outline where family used to be.

"A Good Fitting Bra"

Oh, how I love a good fitting bra. It is beyond comfortable, makes me feel confident and pretty. 

On the contrary, an ill fitting bra can be like torture; it pinches if its too tight, the straps can dig

in or fall and fail to support you when you need it most.


A good fitting bra, a really good fitting one isn't as easy to find as one would think.  It takes time

and energy to get right fit, and not to mention it's sometimes pricey.


A good support system, a close knit group of friends is just as important to me as that coveted

good fitting bra. Good friends support you, hold you close without smothering you, protect you

from potential embarrassing situations. You feel confident, pretty and ready to take on the world,

or you can just enjoy the comfortable fit. We need that perfect friendship fit and just like that

wonderful good fitting bra there can be a high price to pay if we don't take the time to develop

these relationships.


How many good fitting bras do you have in your life?

Quiet please

3/21/2012 10:38 AM

Jumbled thoughts, rapid fire pace.
Beautiful individually, all together a tangled mess
Overstepping boundaries, shouting, cutting each other off mid stream
Breathe... slowly... breathe, focus
Close your eyes, breathe, listen
Feel the thoughts with each slow breath
Take hold of them, gently...
Genuine, unfiltered
Beauty of God

© 2012 / Ilene Guido »»*******************************************************************««

Although the selection above is much shorter than I normally write, I am at peace with it. When my passion and intensity are overshadowed by anxiety and fear of failure, I take joy in the blessing and reminder that God guides my writing abilities. For me, this was a "hug", a "hand on my shoulder", reassuring me. Although my life my become fast paced, with responsibilities and things I'd like to accomplish, the ideas for journals, poetry, blogs, books flooding my head, I don't need to worry. I realize that as long as I seek God, all will be sorted out.

Evolution

Relationships.

 That one word can bring us warm good feelings or send us running and screaming in the opposite direction.  Unless you’re a hermit up in the hills, you can’t escape it, relationships are all around us. From the moment we’re born we’re in one; the parent-child relationship, which then flows like a river into several others, the sibling relationship, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents.  These are the biological relationships that are decided for you, good or bad these are the first steps of careful navigation.

Friends, acquaintances, co-workers these are the ones we get to choose, in the early days, our parents may choose our friends/playmates. As we grow older we have more say so in whom we let enter into our lives.  For some, it’s the “family” we thankfully get to choose.

Now this being said, all these relationships can add or detract from what we hold of value in our lives.  Each relationship is unique although you can certainly see similarities from one to another. A friend can remind you of a cousin, grandparents can be strict version of your own parents or the total opposite, by spoiling you rotten when you’re a kid.

No matter which one it is, they all go through its ups and downs. It goes through changes, some that are barely noticeable, some that are so dramatic you wonder how your life isn’t nominated for an Oscar or Emmy each year.

Just like the seasons, our relationships go through much needed phases. It is up to us to decide if will survive through each season; will it survive the “harsh winter”, the bad times, and blossom again in the “spring”?  If we don’t adjust to these changes, allow each of the parties involved to grow, express themselves, it will wither like a flower with no sunlight.  How many people do you know that are stuck in a rut, be it a parent & child, always at odds, never willing to hear the other out for fear of losing control? How many siblings hold on to the rivalries and disagreements of our youth? How many grandparents find it so difficult to let go and see their grandchildren as adults with opinions that no longer agree whole-heartedly with everything they say? Do we even begin to ask about the spouses who can’t see past the “person you were when we got married” or are still trying to “mold” them into the perfect spouse to the detriment of the marriage?

As much as we want to be recognized for who we are, we need to also recognize who and why we continue to let people into our lives and to what level we allow their behavior to affect us.

Lighthouse

I’ve always had affinity for lighthouses but, it’s more than just the picture perfect postcard aspect. Certainly we are all aware of their purpose, to guide ships safely home from dangerous areas at sea and through the storms by shining that beacon of light.  This elegantly understated structure, beautifully & prominently perched atop the cliffs, watching over the ships at sea whether its placid or turbulent; much like God protecting, guiding & lighting our way --- all we have to do is seek Him. 

Not only should we constantly seek God’s direction, we need to follow where He is leading us, the timing is hardly ever something that matches our own; be patient, listen, trust. Faith for me is having the courage to move through the uncertainties, the insecurities and fears.

As I ponder the direction of my own life, God has placed a desire in my heart to accomplish more, through assisting and encouraging others, be it by “lending a helping hand”, listening, advising and just being the best person I can be; not for selfish gain, not to be remembered as just having done good things, but to move people to do the same.  Connecting with, one life touching another, encouragement goes a long way; it’s the safe harbor when we feel like we’ve lost our way.

How splendid would it be if we’d all look out for, guide one another, just as that lighthouse on the cliff, following God’s example; shining brightly, that light within, encouraging one another, building each other up, growing in faith throughout life’s journey, in the calm & the storm, illuminating as it should be, the selflessness of extending ourselves for the greater good.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4

"Nobody"

I’m ok with being a “nobody”. I don’t mind having a “small life”, living simply. Now by no means when I refer to being a “nobody” or “small life” do I myself consider it to be insignificant- quite the contrary, the terms “nobody” and “small life” refer to “the world’s or society’s view of success”. 

For me even the smallest details of my life hold great significance. These details are like pieces of a puzzle; events, people, places all fitting together for the larger picture, “a greater purpose” if you will.

As a young teen, “making it BIG” was being anywhere but living in the projects (subsidized housing) and making more money than I could spend in one lifetime.  Today, I have quite a different view, at this stage in my life it takes on a whole new meaning for me. Enjoying my simple life (even when filled with the daily chaos of work, school schedules, family activities, etc) is always a balancing act of sorts; family, friends, healthy choices, the ability to work to support my family, getting to know who I am, being comfortable in my own skin, embracing the good & the bad, all along knowing that God allows these things to happen for a greater purpose, HIS purpose. This is easier said than done at times, however, when I tend to get anxious and fall into the “trap” of comparing myself to what the world deems as success, with the barrage of messages from the media and sometimes from those around me, I take time to pray, I make it a priority to make time for God.  For me, it can be as simple as shutting my eyes for a brief moment & taking a few deep breaths, sitting out in the backyard and listening to the leaves rustle in the breeze, or reading verses in the Bible until I’m at peace.  One verse in particular has been “calling out” to me:

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I’m human, I’m not perfect, I’ll make mistakes along the way; stumbles along the way are inevitable, but knowing I’ll get through it…whatever “It” is, with God’s help gets me through.  I’m not always happy during the struggles, but then again, who is?... when I take that moment or two, and meditate, pray, reflect on the lesson that is to be learned, I’m grateful, stronger and able to pass along any insight gleaned and encourage those who may be going through something similar. 

 Having faith, the process of and the determination to continue to grow in my faith allows me never to let my life get completely out of hand, or bigger than what God is meant for me to handle at any given time.

Again I say, so what if I’m a “nobody” according to the world, I am a “somebody” and valued by God and THAT is what matters.

HOME

HOME… a simple word that can mean so very much & can be perceived in many different ways; to some, it may just be a physical place – a residence, an apartment, condo or house you go to at the end of a very busy day. For others, it can be a longing, a reminder of emptiness, a place filled with memories they’d rather forget. For some it’s a physical place, and a feeling of comfort or just the feeling itself no matter where you might be.

There’s a well known saying “Home is where the heart is”,  I’ve come to realize either through experiences or just the fact that I’m “getting older” this has become truer than ever for me.

Throughout my life, I have had many “homes” not all where a physical residence for an extended period, but the feelings of LOVE, Belonging, Peace, & Joy – “home” has been time spent with a dear friend, being a “source of comfort or encouragement” for someone, an unspoken understanding with a family member or close friend (because we know each other so well), a familiar sound or scent can create that as well.

During a conversation with my daughters the other day, they mentioned how much they enjoy the new neighborhood and house we recently moved into & both mentioned in unison that this “really feels like home”.  I smiled and knew exactly what they meant because I feel this way too, maybe because of the neighborhood’s location, the tree-lined streets, the numerous neighbors taking early evening strolls, the fact that in an odd way the increase in square footage inside and out somehow brings us closer together (the mere fact that we’re not living “all on top of each other”  eases the need for “more space”), perhaps it’s the combination of these things that allow for more of a family connection and those very feelings represent “home”.

These circumstances that lead me here, today, the memories, the experiences that allow me to “feel” home in a myriad of places are all due to the grace and love of God.  Not all my experiences and lessons have been pleasant ones, however, with by the pure Grace of God, He has “picked me up & dusted me off” to start anew, even when my strength isn’t enough, I lean on HIM and that glorious grace, well that is the ultimate feeling of “HOME”.  Trusting in HIM, and learning that it’s His purpose and timing (not mine) – that’s the “home” here on Earth.

As I reflect on these events, places and people that gave me that “home” feeling brought to mind some family and friends that are no longer here with us and some that may be leaving us sooner than we’d like.  I am saddened (selfishly wishing I had them here moments longer) yet I am filled with an unexplainable peace.

It’s human nature to fear (even for a moment) leaving “this world” – but blind faith & the realization that even our greatest day on Earth pales in comparison to the Beauty & Everlasting Love of Eternity with God.

“HOME”.