This is me...

Do you see what I see?



"God's Eye"

Such a beautiful sight in the early morning hours, I couldn't resist taking the shot.



Courage, Faith & Vision

“Blindfolded, holding Your hand, gaining courage to truly see the Vision for my Life.” 

(This is what I felt tonight, what was placed on my heart, so I say it out loud and I was guided to write it all down.)

It’s not about knowing all the answers, not even one. Faith takes courage, the strength to let go of fear-based, false sense of comfort; Odd, yet true.

Thinking things through and over analyzing are two very different things. Making sound choices after thoughtful consideration is always best (thinking things through), rather than second guessing yourself (over analyzing), and your God given intuition. How dare we second guess God? Yet it happens more often than we’d care to admit, more often than I’d like to admit to myself.  I’ve endured many things in this life, things that I work through daily, things I’d rather not remember so I set them aside; foolishly thinking I’ve locked them away.  I haven’t, I’ve only postponed the lessons to be learned and because I’ve done so, some of these lessons pile up and come at me at a rapid fire pace. If only, I was willing to learn and listen when I was supposed to.

So I frantically, try to think my way out of it rather than trusting God. Again, foolish, I know.  This is not to say that I should sit back and do absolutely nothing, certainly not, for God has Blessed me with for lack of a better term a good “gut-feeling” detector, a sound mind (although some decisions in life may show otherwise, but that was pure stubbornness on my part), a passion for writing and the willingness to speak about it all.

Yet, I need to learn how to take a moment , perhaps more than just a moment, sit back, close my eyes, LISTEN & FEEL what God is telling me, where He is leading me.  How could I possibly hear God if I’m tuned into all the “noise” I surround myself with in this busy world of mine? So I must sit back, breathe deep, listen & feel.

It’s easy to see the obvious Blessings, my family, our health, our home and even the current job I’m not so fond of.  It’s harder to see the hidden Blessings; the ones that come in “lesson plan” form.  The ones that make us wonder “why”, “where to now”, “when”, the answers won’t be heard nor felt if we stand there making a fuss, stomping our feet like a spoiled little child demanding it all now. I must remember this is the ultimate “parent /child” relationship and like any good “parent” why would there be a reward for “bad behavior” such as the demanding to know the “where, why and when” when we clearly can’t hear and obviously not ready.

Embracing the things we endure isn’t easy, but somehow, I know the Blessing is in the getting through it and taking the lesson from it for our own sake and perhaps to encourage or teach someone else along the way.

I know that there is more I need to do with my life, but right now I feel that I must learn more, endure more prior to the “doing more”; so as hard as it is to patiently learn what needs to be taught, I must be a willing pupil.  Let the lessons continue…

This Woman's Prayer

Thank you Lord, for loving me so completely, for though I am not worthy.  Thank you for your guidance although I may not always follow. 

You wait lovingly & patiently as only a Father could.

When dark clouds of doubt creep in, You lift me up and push me forward.

Lord, redirect my path when I go astray, light the way in my hour of darkness, as I foolishly follow the ways of the world.

Forgive me for impatiently forging ahead when I'm not ready or traveling on roads I need not be on.

Lord, continue to love me as no one else could; hold me close, fill me with your love, renew my faith, give me strength & courage to walk the path destined for me, develop in me compassion unending.

Teach me to be a better person, a parent who encourages, a parent who is just, a wife, a daughter, a sister that not only leads but listens and follows when necessary.

Thank you for your grace & everlasting love.

Amen.

Be it a whisper or a scream, I have a voice, do you even hear the sound?

Do you hear me? Are you listening?

As I look upon the title I have given my Blog, “This Woman’s Voice”, I have to say it came quite naturally and is indeed appropriate.

I write because it is me, it’s who I am, it’s the breath in my lungs, the blood coursing through me veins to deny this would be to ask me to cease to exist. It’s the release of pressures, the melting away of sadness and doubt, the food for a creative soul reaching out to the world, looking inward to water a seed that so needs to be nurtured in order to blossom into something I am meant to be.

To share subtle thoughts, feelings, bold opinions, the spark that starts wonderful conversations or a raging debate, the exchange of ideas is invigorating. I hope that somehow my life’s experiences, those heartfelt expressions evoke emotion and change in others and give me the strength to push forward.  I pray they bring comfort to those that need it, tough love lessons to those that deserve it and a wakeup call sounding the alarm.

I have been told that I write solely because I feel “the need to have the whole world hear me”. It’s so much more than that, but I cannot discount that there is some merit to that somewhat painful comment.

I do write for the very reasons I’ve mentioned earlier, and yes, I write to be heard. Who on this earth wants to be forever silenced, to have so much to say, to open their mouth and not a sound to be heard? Perhaps I continue to write because quite often I’ve felt that those closest to me have never taken the time to not only hear me but to truly listen to “my voice”.

Kaleidoscope

I saw a striking photograph today and the form of the object and reflections from the sunlight reminded me of a kaleidoscope. It brought me back to a time in my childhood when things were so beautifully simple. The memory that flashed in my mind was that of me enjoying this simple toy, outdoors, my little face lifted up soaking up the sunlight, gentle breeze slowly swaying my ponytail back and forth.  Looking through that kaleidoscope, twisting it this way and that, those bright bold colors creating unimaginable shapes, simple yet so beautiful.

That’s when it dawned on me; I want my life to be like that kaleidoscope.

[1]Wikipedia defines a kaleidoscope “as a circle of mirrors containing loose, colored objects such as beads or pebbles and bits of glass. As the viewer looks into one end, light entering the other end creates a colorful pattern, due to the reflection off the mirrors.”

Now let’s think about that for a minute, what better way to describe a joyous, purposeful life. How many times have we felt that life has given us loose ends, pieces that one couldn’t possibly think would fit together, let alone create something interesting, bright, bold and beautiful.  Everyone prefers shiny pretty beads to pebbles and bits of glass, but life has a way of tossing in those annoying “pebbles”, things we’d rather not do, jobs we might not be fond of, events that are just downright bothersome, sometimes even people. Bits of glass, those sharp unexpected shards that cut, sting, hurt and make us bleed in one way shape or form; those emotional upsets that at times stop us in our tracks even momentarily. Those mirrors and reflections from the light, how you present yourself to the world, how you hold yourself accountable for your actions, how others perceive you; separately it seems like one colossal mess and yes, it can be just that, a big mess, if we choose to see it that way.

I’d rather combine it all, the pretty bright happy moments, the life lessons learned with the pebbles and bits of glass, never easy but in hindsight so incredibly valuable, they are in a way the small gifts of wisdom we collect over time. The mirrors showing us what we’ve done, the good or bad, reflecting who we are or what we will become and the light, yes the light, the guidance of God. That light can be warm and comforting or bright and glaring as need be in that particular moment of our life.

Together the combination of forms, colors and shapes our lives can take is unimaginable. The excitement, joy and uncertainty of the new, the learned experiences of the past working as one to create something unique is a Blessing.

I may not know exactly what life has in store, or where I’m headed but I will try my best each day to remember that be it a shiny pretty bead, a pebble or a bit of glass, it will come together in the end just fine as long as the reflection in that mirror continues to bask in the glow of the light.

[1] From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia  2011

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